I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want her autograph on my taint
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize