I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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