My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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