I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
