I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
