he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
