after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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