So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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