dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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