i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
operation have a gay friend backfired
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
