I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
