and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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