Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
