he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
