If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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