Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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