If that was your dad, he is hot
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
