I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
