I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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