That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
