i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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