I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
