I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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