If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
