Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
