good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
