i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's the barista slut.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
