A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
