the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
