Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
