Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
