Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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