Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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