Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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