You just made me feel so damn special
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Randomize
