I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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