The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
