I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
