DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
