guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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