i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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