Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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