I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
