I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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