i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
