I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Randomize
