He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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