At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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