i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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