She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
