....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
