She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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