In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
