honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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