Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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