hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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