I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
