He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
