You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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