Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
