Apparently you make a good broom.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
