so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
