I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
