Someone shit on the floor
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
