His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
