the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection