just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.