is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.