I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
