Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.