I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule