Someone shit on the floor
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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