if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.