I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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